So this morning I woke up with Mason on my chest (love!) and a stress headache. I swore my left eye was going to fly out of my head. I think part of it was realizing that I can't sleep in with Mason on my chest anymore. Okay, tears. Damn it.
Anyway, I did the math, and starting tomorrow I will only be taking home $4.64 an hour, after paying for childcare and other child/work-related expenses, like food for Gav at the sitter, extra diapers (since Mason won't be in cloth all day), extra wipes, pumping supplies, gas, lunch for me, etc. $4.64 an hour. What is the point? $37 a day BEFORE the government takes their half. I really hate that I even have to go back. I'm so stressed out about it.
I was grocery shopping a little while ago and grabbing lunch stuff for Gavin to have at the sitter and felt guilty that I won't be making him lunch tomorrow. I've dreamt that my office is that boiler room from the Freddy Krueger movies. I dreamt that I lost Gavin in an unknown daycare, Mason was fed by bottles and kicked by toddlers. I think I'm losing my mind. All for about $25 a day (eh, estimating taxes).
I hate that I'm putting my family and myself through this.
I am starting work again on Tuesday.. and I'm so excited.. but the only, ONLY reason I am going back is because I will only be working tuesday, thursday and every other saturday 10-2 .. so it's basically just something for me to do to get away rather than have to rely on that income.. since I would be making wayyyy less that 4.42 after expenses (or whatever number that was)but I'm sorry you have to go back.. tell jordan I said being a mother is much more important :)
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