Farewell, 2010...

It's the last day of 2010! What a year.

This year was full of ups and downs. We found out in early January that we were expecting our second baby. We had a scare in February where I began cramping and bleeding heavily. We rushed to the hospital only to find out that I had a subchoronic bleed and that the baby was just fine. We consulted with a high-risk OBGYN, and I had surgery to have a cerclage placed in March. We had to cancel our April vacation because I wasn't allowed to travel (and walking around Disney was certainly against the rules!). We bought a new car. We closed on our new house in May, and Jordan got to work on renovations with lots of help from our amazing family and friends. We moved in to our house in June, and celebrated Gavin's second birthday about two weeks later. We spent the summer having cookouts and just relaxing and having fun! We went camping for 4th of July and had a blast - it was our last little getaway as a family of three! In August, I was put on bedrest for a week and started taking anti-contraction medication around the clock. In September, Jordan celebrated his 30th birthday, and our little baby Mason was born - a week LATE after all of those complications! We hosted an awesome Halloween Party, and started a new yearly tradition. Winter has brought about Thanksgiving and Christmas (and thankfully, not too much snow!). We had a blast at Christmas this year. It was the first year that Gavin really understood the concept of Santa, and it was so much fun watching him get excited and really enjoy the day.

All in all, 2010 was an amazing year for our family. We can't wait to see what 2011 brings!

Happy New Year, everyone!

FLIP Diapers

So I have been using cloth diapers with Mason and found an amazing diaper system that I LOVE! Flip Diapers. They are a hybrid diaper, which means you can use either a cloth insert or a disposable insert. These are the only diapers I have tried that have had ZERO leaks, disposables included. I have been using BumGenius inserts (the same company makes Flips and BGs), as well as some no-name microfiber inserts I have, and the Flip covers are rock solid. They haven't leaked no matter what type of insert I have used. Mason got some Flip disposable inserts for Christmas and I like them so far, as well. The extra length threw me off at first, but if you fold them in front for extra absorbancy for boys, they fit just fine! I think the thing I like most, besides the lack of leaking, is how slim the diapers are. Cloth diapers are, of course, more bulky than any disposable, but the Flips are notably trim - they don't have a ton of cloth-diaper bulk, so Mason's pants fit more comfortably. I'm stocking up on these diapers! :) They are definately a good option for moms to try if they aren't 100% sure they want to use cloth.

Mason is three months old!

My baby boy is three months old! How did that happen?

At three months, he is wearing 6-9 month clothes and size 3 diapers. He sleeps 5-6 hours straight at night. He is laughing and talking. He still hates tummy time. He still hasn't mastered sucking his thumb thanks to Mommy stoping him every time. :) We don't have exact weight or height measurements, but he goes back to the pediatrician on January 24th, so we will know then. But he is certainly our big, chubby, happy little man.

We love you Mason! (And please, stop growing so fast.)

So...

I'm thinking about starting a Daily Deal blog or something to that effect. I've been finding awesome deals and I think it would be a cool way to share them!!!

Just thinking outloud when I really should be working.

Happy Half-Birthday to Gavin!

My "baby" is 2 1/2 today. I can't believe it. We are so blessed to have such a funny, smart, happy, healthy little guy in our lives.

At 2 1/2, Gavin is:

- Wearing size 2T, but starting to wear 3T.
- Speaking in complex sentences, with as many as 7-10 words.
- He knows all of his colors and shapes, can count to ten and knows about 75% of his ABCs.
- He knows when he is being funny and does silly things just to make you laugh.
- He has started telling Knock Knock jokes, most of which end in someone "cleaning Mason's butt".
- He is into all things train-related. He is also into animals and knows tons of animal facts. He loves coloring and painting. He adores taking baths and playing with bathtub paints or markers.
- His favorite food is still broccolli.
- He is growing up way too fast.

We love you Gavin!!!!

It's Friday...

... which means I survived my first week back to work.

Not saying I liked it. This new version of life is way too fast paced for me and my family. I'm thankful that Jordan agrees. There is nothing fun about getting up in the 5 o'clock hour after being up and down all night, trying to get two kids and yourself ready on your own, not getting to eat, having Oreos for breakfast every day, running late, working on mind-numbing projects all day, milking yourself 3x a day, rushing home, nursing a baby ten times because he missed you, trying to cook and eat dinner, wash bottles and fill bottles for the next day, and clean and do bath time and somehow find a minute to play with your kids. Basically, if you are cleaning the cat's litter box before work, while your toddler eats waffles and your baby swings, you are out of time for pretty much everything.

I can't wait until this is over.

Also, I hate clothes. I'm wearing a size 6 now, which fits my butt and hips and thighs, but I'm just too short for a size 6. I'm so uncomfy all the time, because my only other option is maternity pants. My baby is 2 1/2 months old - who wants to wear maternity clothes still???

Thank GOD it's Friday. And donut day. Donuts won't help with the baby weight, but neither are those Oreos.

This is absurd and I don't want to go back to work.

So this morning I woke up with Mason on my chest (love!) and a stress headache. I swore my left eye was going to fly out of my head. I think part of it was realizing that I can't sleep in with Mason on my chest anymore. Okay, tears. Damn it.

Anyway, I did the math, and starting tomorrow I will only be taking home $4.64 an hour, after paying for childcare and other child/work-related expenses, like food for Gav at the sitter, extra diapers (since Mason won't be in cloth all day), extra wipes, pumping supplies, gas, lunch for me, etc. $4.64 an hour. What is the point? $37 a day BEFORE the government takes their half. I really hate that I even have to go back. I'm so stressed out about it.

I was grocery shopping a little while ago and grabbing lunch stuff for Gavin to have at the sitter and felt guilty that I won't be making him lunch tomorrow. I've dreamt that my office is that boiler room from the Freddy Krueger movies. I dreamt that I lost Gavin in an unknown daycare, Mason was fed by bottles and kicked by toddlers. I think I'm losing my mind. All for about $25 a day (eh, estimating taxes).

I hate that I'm putting my family and myself through this.

Anxiety Sucks

So, I think I have a case of Post Partum Anxiety. I developed PPD after the birth of our angel, so I'm more susceptible to these issues. But it seems to be getting worse.

It's as though I can't be away from the boys for any length of time. Jordan and I went grocery shopping and Christmas shopping last Sunday for about two hours. I was okay at first, but after an hour, my heart just started racing - I HAD to get home. I wasw able to hold it in until the ride home, but after that I just had to tell Jordan.

Last night, I ran to the grocery store, which is literally three minutes from my house. I left the house at 6:08 and was back in my car to head home at 6:25 - that's how quick it was. As soon as I pulled into the parking lot and parked my car, I had a panic attack. My heart started racing, my stomach turned - why was I away from the boys? What if something was wrong?

I just get these nagging feelings that if I don't take advantage of every moment with the boys, I will never get the chance again. If I don't sit in Gav's bed and read with him in the morning, I will never be able to do it again. If I lay Mason down to take a nap instead of holding him, I won't get to hold him again. I know I will never get this day back. Even now, my stomach is in knots over not holding Mason or playing with Gav - even though they are perfectly happy. Mason is swinging and falling asleep and Gavin is eating a banana and watching his morning Barney episode. So why do I feel so sick to my stomach?

I don't know what is wrong with me. But work on Monday is going to be horrific. I burst into tears thinking about it.